I am reading an excellent new book by Dennis Rainey titled,
“Choosing a Life that Matters.” I would
highly recommend it. In reading it it
made me think. What makes a marriage matter?
Over the next several weeks I want to write on this topic. I hope it will encourage and challenge you as
it has me.
Intentionality Versus Aimlessness
You have most likely heard it said
before, “if you aim at nothing you will hit it every time.” Have you ever applied that to your
marriage? I think it is crucial that you
do!
In the 21st century we
have allowed our lives to be way too busy (more on that in later blogs), and
when life gets ‘crazy busy’ it is easy to go into survival mode and forget why
we do what we do. For our society and
your marriage that is one of the most dangerous traps to fall in to. The stories of folks who are in this trap
sound something like this…
John and Sally have been married for 13
years, have three kids, a demanding job or two, crazy activities and no time
for much of anything, especially time to slow down, have deep conversations,
and consider the purpose and trajectory of their marriage.
Can you relate? I expect you can. It describes most families today. In light of that, I have a question for you. Have
you ever considered that God has a significant, eternal plan that He desires to
work in and through your marriage?
Think about it this way, if God is
in control of all things then He must be in control and have ordained your
marriage to your spouse. If that is true
(and it is)it is equally true that there is nothing that God wastes- no
experience (good or bad), no human (man or woman) and certainly no marriage
(yours and mine). He ordained
marriage! If that is true (and it is)
then He ordained your marriage. If that
is true (and it is) then it is only right to ask ‘Why did He unite you and your
spouse?’
What does God want to accomplish
through your marriage? This is a crucial
question that I would strongly encourage you and your spouse to consider. Knowing the answer to this question is the
difference between a marriage that takes aim and hits its target and one that
flounders and misses. I am sure you are
not reading this hoping that at the end of your life you can proclaim you had an
aimless marriage.
Now I know that what I am
encouraging you to do can be intimidating.
Especially if you and your spouse are not use to having these types of
conversations, so let me give you a little direction on how to get started.
1.
Pick the right moment (not during a football
game or when it’s the kids bedtime and all heck is breaking lose) and let your
spouse know you read a blog about marriage and it made you think about your
marriage. Tell them, ‘I love you enough
to want to talk about it. This will not
be a talk that condemns you or makes you feel like a failure. It will be a talk about us and how we can be
even better as a couple.’ Then ask, ‘when
is a good time for us to have this discussion?’
Make a date to discuss and write it down.
2.
Let them know how they can read the BLOG if they
want to read it before the date.
3.
Once on the date, give yourself at least an hour
to talk about the questions below.
4.
Discuss these questions (questions below) and
let the conversation take its natural course.
5.
Before leaving the first date set a firm day and
time 4-6 weeks out to specifically follow-up on the questions you answered. Keep having these periodic check-ins. My wife and I do them one-two times a year
now, but I encourage you to do it more frequently at first.
Questions to Consider to have a ‘on target’ marriage:
-
What do you want to be said about our marriage
when we are old?
-
Is what we want to be said about our marriage
consistent with what God’s word would want to be said about our marriage?
-
In light of our goal(s) are we on pace to
accomplish it? If not, what are one-two
things we can change now to get on target?
That is it. Dream,
explore, discuss, PRAY. It really is a
freeing, invigorating exercise and creates so much intimacy between you and
your spouse. Make sure the items you
choose to change are realistic and accomplishable. Nothing is more demoralizing than setting a
goal that is unrealistic.
As always, if you have questions shoot me an email at
reeves.cannon@sandhurst.net
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